


A Choice

by Elwing_of_Doriath



Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 16:29:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6665977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elwing_of_Doriath/pseuds/Elwing_of_Doriath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is only a short piece about the moment when Eärendil asks Elwing to choose for both of them whether they will be counted among elves or men. Elwing reflects on the choices she made before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Choice

He asked me to choose. Me who rarely had a choice. Who made only two really important decisions in her life. One led to the blood of my people reddening the shores of the sea. The other was to cast myself into the sea accepting the loss of my children.

I came to Sirion as a child. Though born a princess I was something undefinable. The people looked at me expecting me to be something I never was, never understood. Either less or more.  
Some expected me to be a queen. They tried to see Elu in me, the great-grandfather I knew only from stories. My grandmother’s, when I was little and later Celeborn’s and Cirdan’s. But I never was Elu. I was no ruler, I was frightened and alone.  
Others expected me to be wise like Melian and when they looked into my eyes and saw not the depth of wisdom they had lost when Melian left Doriath they were disappointed.  
Some still thought me simply weird. Something between elf and man and Maia that was never supposed to be. Those I did mind that less than anything else, because I simply couldn’t help it.  
Most of them expected me to be a version of Luthien whom they had lost, but I wasn’t that either. I was certainly less beautiful, less graceful and less powerful, but to me the most important point was that I had always been less safe. You see, I was meant to be a princess, but I didn’t know how and nobody ever told me.  
But I could do something else, something less wonderful than all of these things. I could endure. And I was stubborn enough to stay alive and then to remember. Remember all those people - lost and gone - whom I can never ever be. So that while I may never be their equal I had to keep them alive and never shall I forget the splendour of Elu, the wisdom of Melian, the beauty and courage of Luthien, the bravery of Beren, the kindness of my father Dior and the love of my mother Nimloth. That was the real choice I made.

So I decided not to give them the silmaril, the symbol of all that grief, though it meant nothing to me in itself. It was just a stone to me who would have preferred to still have a family. But I kept it to remember and my people died, my sons were lost.  
So how can he ask me to choose now? How can he trust me with this? But when I look at Eärendil I see his weariness, so I have to be strong. And I will choose what I know, what I have decided to a long time ago. I know nothing of the fate of men, so I will do as I have always done. I will try to do what I can for my people, though I may fail again. I will remember as long as this world may last.


End file.
